dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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