WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
