I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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