where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
