i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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