I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
