Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
