Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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