Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
