If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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