pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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