Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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