yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
