You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
