How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
