its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just found a bag of teeth...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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