My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
