Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
