So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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