Where is the hickey?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize