Will you blow on my dice?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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