So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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