I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
