Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
