Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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