u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize