No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
