Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
