so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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