he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
