If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
