Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize