Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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