I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
