Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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