You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
