I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
