Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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