i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my sisters under your porch take her home
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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