the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
