Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
