Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize