he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
