every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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