I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
