I smell stomach acid.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
