I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
