My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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