We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm really busy with my period
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
