awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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