dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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