Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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