He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
