im having a threesome with these popsicles
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Damn victory sex feels great
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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