my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
