there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
