Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Randomize
