Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
