my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
