I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
