last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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