He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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