I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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