i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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