it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
