Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
