okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
