sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
