we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
