Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
