the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
