I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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