life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
