That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
