Someone shit on the floor
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
