i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
