I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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