the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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