Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
