$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
