Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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