if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
