The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
