i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
